the last straw

just because u don't want to do it doesn't mean i need to judged:
unhealthy, demanding, etc.
i've judged myself enough

(2:11 a.m.)

caught by

my insecurities once again, plus the astrological stuff, will it happen once again?

btw, it's been almost 2 months since my last post, seriously have got no time.

would've been in Ljubljana by now, i deserve a trip

(1:47 a.m.)

freeze

thanx to granpa, i recalled the moment and pix being taken on the "promenade" by a passerby. n it seems good to let the memory stops there

(2:12 a.m.)

due to

the chaotic situation worldwide, i hope he's fine, no matter what

(2:29 a.m.)

equal

if you think i don't value your effort in keeping words and reaching out to me, i'd admit that i'm not supposed to be like that, however, you're responsible for that, too

(3:48 a.m.)

compared to

being needed, being cared is more important to me

(11:33 p.m.)

pero

realised last nite that it's not simply the relationship status, his attitude has changed obviously

(2:42 a.m.)

karmic?

i still believe in "forever"

(3:02 a.m.)

pending

"Libra Daily Horoscope

by Tarot.com Astrologers

1.3.20: Putting off the inevitable only amplifies the force of an emotional storm. You may need to handle an emotionally charged issue that resurfaces from the past. You might as well ease into what could be an uncomfortable conversation with either a partner, relative, or old friend. Free yourself from the desire to control or steer the discussion in any particular direction other than expressing your true feelings. Listening with your whole heart sets the stage for relationship growth. You can’t change what you refuse to confront."

pretty spot on.
just thought of the word "inevitable". but i still don't know what's the best to do. can't fucking lie to myself. of course i want to be in good terms, yet i don't like his way, and i've sensed the same from him.
can't even ask language questions. "when i feel like" means when there's no contact, he doesn't want to talk.
what do i expect him to do then? doubt if i'd express if he asks

(11:18 p.m.)

uh

as expected (which is good) that he msged. n he's the only one, but, so what?

(10:42 p.m.)

working on myself

i observe, i assume/process, i react.

sth.'s going on there, but i dont want to ask, just leave or the like.

make sure about wanting to know. i dont know what's this: meaningless chat, fight, or genuine talk.

no pint of revealing if not appreciated/guarantee a response (that i want).

dont feel respected, not sure whose problem it it.

if ur opinions aren't valued, what'd u do? offended or dont care?

tell/enlighten me reasons to keep sharing.

dont know well now.

if it's not special, then i wouldnt/dont need to do it.

in ur own word: u r a free man (u r free to do what u want).

(10:52 p.m.)

updates

dreamed about receiving his msg asking if i'd be okay to stay w/ Leon by myself.

the ideal relationship status: can discuss/express/talk about things openly/calmly/freely; not worry about the other'd leave, etc.

(00:11 a.m.)

after 7 yrs

and 7 times of visit,
berlin has lost its charm.
p.s. the city seems to be the one for me to part ways with ppl, probably 3 already

(2:43 a.m.)

i thought

without saying/expressing it (clearly), it won't end
even tho i'm already ending it in a way

from yesterday:
don't want to become him,
why hurt myself?
should enjoy as there's nothing right, at least i'm healthy now,
dialogues in my mind,
cried a lot during shower,
record the progress on fb stating signs,
don't focus on him,
just because you're not emotional doesn't mean you're mature,
express directly in the future?
he's an obstable?

today:
needn't to aplogize
know it'd end if i keep being like this,
inevitable,
haven't figured out another way/it's my current way,

(10:16 p.m.)

despues 9.10.19

don't have to please anymore;

i'm good, just chose not to show it now;

will not share as much as usual;

haven't made up mind if i should leave

(3:14 a.m.)